Sober January is a disaster.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
