I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
