k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize