I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So apparently I’m into choking now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
