we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize