I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
