I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't deserve a penis
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
