Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
