just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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