you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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