it hurts more in the daytime
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize