I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
