i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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