i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
