she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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