K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
