so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
