She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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