i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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