apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we're making bets on your personal life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
