Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
