i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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