i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dicks are not precious.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
