Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
