If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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