I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
