the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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