tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
