Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
