i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
