So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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