you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
