i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My pussy is not your playground.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
