thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
