Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
