sarcasm needs its own font
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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