No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
