I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize