we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
