Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
