I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
