Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
