Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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