your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
