No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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