i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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