I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
