I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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