This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
