I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Even my vagina gasped.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
