Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
