I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
