do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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