I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize