Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
