I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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