My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
