The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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