So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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