he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
