yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
