he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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