im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize