This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
