You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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