Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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