I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize