Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
