if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think my fart just growled at me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
