I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
